Knock knock....who's there?

I've had enough of cakes.
I.Have.Had. Enough. Of cakes.
I've never had a sweet tooth, you know. Not even when I was young. Sweets give me the shits. Sugar gets stuck in my dentures and it's very, very bad for my diabetes.
I love pies, I do! Steak and ale? Yes, please! Mushroom pie? Any time!
The little bugger knows that all that sugar might kill me, oh yes, she does! But what does she bring, every single fucking day? Cakes.
She crosses the woods, unaware of the perils, wearing that hideous, little red riding hood I would not wear at a fancy dress if they'd pay me.
With a silly smile printed on that cute, annoying little face, she turns up at my door step every single day. And it's always the same story.
knock -knock.
"who's there?"
"It's me, grandma. Little Red Riding Hood. I brought you a cake to make you feel better".
Oh, fuck. Not again.
Why not bring a trashy magazine, for once? Or a pie? She knows I love pies!
And where on earth does she find the time to pop by every day? Doesn't she go to school? Doesn't she have homework to do? Doesn't she know more annoying  brats like her to hang out with?
She's an evil, crafty little bitch and I cannot believe I am the only one who understands her cunning plan! She's feeding me all these cakes because she knows all this sugar will eventually kill me.
I am diabetic, you know, sugar will kill me!
She's after the inheritance, that's what she's after! She thinks I will leave everything to her, since she's my only grandchild. As if!
She doesn't know I have already made a will. Once I'm gone, well, I have left everything I own to my lovely neighbour, Mr Wolf.
 He's such a good hunter, you know. For months he's been giving me the most gorgeous fresh meat to fill my daily pies. Not ONCE has he brought me cakes.
He knows sugar might kill me. He also know that once I'm gone, he will receive a fortune. He is ever so grateful!
 He keeps me company. He asks a lot of questions. Mainly about my will. He is so interested in me and I feel less alone....
Oh. Someone s knocking at the door.
That must be him.
I'd better go.
He is so thoughtful. He knows my granddaughter will be here any time soon. He's really looking forward to meet her.
He said he's got a surprise.
It must be a pie.